marialing

Archive for September, 2012|Monthly archive page

I have hit the red light…

In Uncategorized on September 12, 2012 at 10:56 am

I have few followers.  I’d rather think I have friends who have an interest in some of the things that I say.  But some months back, I decided to stop writing and posting here.

 

It was a reaction to my having opened a door and then not feeling too good about how certain people perceived me.  I used to think I didn’t care what people said or thought about me but I was reminded that I didn’t like being misunderstood, misinterpreted and misrepresented.

 

The trouble is, when one makes mistakes, even unintentionally or foolishly, one has to live with some regret especially when some people will get angry, hurt and crossed by my mistakes.

 

I live with that.  And I care that some people were upset, have been upset and may possibly be upset by me in the future.  I care because I want to be on good terms with as many people as I can be.  But conflict and misunderstanding are real and fall outs happen.

 

I am not as courageous as the man I claim to be a follower of, Jesus Christ.  I guess I don’t want to be in a rocked boat or be the one who rocks the boat.  I felt differently earlier.  Earlier, I wanted to rock a boat, the boat, any boat. I even felt a sense of pride if I could rock a dinghy.  Now…I don’t want to rock at all.

 

The red light of the traffic lights shines in my face.  I’m sorry I’ve crossed people when that’s not been my intention.  Sharing things, saying words, doing acts which were not intended for evil but which yielded bad responses from them.

 

I feel crappy about that.  I need to get out of the stale, dank pond scum and be immersed in the well of Living Water…Will others let me?  Forgive me?  Will I let myself?

Imperfect…but loved by God.  Imperfect but will my human friends love me?  Does it matter?

The red light.